I haven't been writing much lately, but the thoughts will return!
This week, another from Giving Love and Hate, written in October 2021. At the time, I remember I was experimenting telling stories with shifting perspectives. In the end, I'm not sure that's suuuper clear in this song — I think it might have been more obvious in an earlier version with many more verses. But I'm still happy with the result.
I recorded the vocals without headphones, listening to my speakers and using phase cancellation techniques to minimise the bleed of the music into the microphone. I also sang very close to the mic, which ended up being a bit of a nuisance come mix time, but did lend the vocals a warm intimacy that suits the material. I think the guitars in this were the first time I ever just laid down first-take rough ideas through the whole track and kept them, without any comping or other edits.
And so you waited until the hate grew strong, Enough to leap out of your mouth when you'd done wrong. It's not my fault, you said, just turn your shouts down. But you were getting angry at the dirt on the ground. Your friends all wondered why you were feeling so low, They figured it was just the millennial lack of hope. You didn't know yet that your loving was all wrong, That you'd barely been breathing, just hanging on. The years went by, the truth fell out, A bed not fit for any lovers now. Forgotten skin from forgotten bliss: How could such a rush produce just this? A sense the future is always just behind, The knowledge that you only hope in hindsight. Still, you try to keep those nagging thoughts at bay. With what? Ten thousand steps a day. And when you let me down, You know I'll remain around. There's something more for me to say, But nothing more for you to save. There's something more for me to say, But nothing more for you to save. Then walking home one day your body felt ill, Though you'd remembered to swallow your pills. Somehow you knew it then, so sat down on the couch, And whispered, I can't do this, to your soon-to-be spouse. And when you let me down, You know I'll remain around. And though I'll still be your friend, There's something more for me to say. But I need to ask Can I wait for you? Can we be alone? Can we be the truth? Is there something more, that I can ask of you? Is there nothing more, that I can do for you? She said I'll wait, Until the morning comes. And then I'll go, But please be my friend. And I said I will do that, But I want your heart to bend, I want to taste your breath, I want to give you love again. We can't break down these parts inside of us, They build up slowly like cracks in a path, Then the grass grows up through, each inch hard-won, And overflows the cement, looking for sun.